don't watch me crumble [canyon]

[jin li]

( i'm drowning and only you can save me )

Jin wasn't very good at photography but he was trying his hardest to keep his grade up in the class. A lot of times his photographs were off center or a little blurry and he ended up getting a B average on them. But this time he was determined to get something better. He always had the image of his disappointed father in his mind when he felt like he failed at something and this time it was his driving force.

So here the little boy from Beijing was, in the dark room with his photography. The room was indeed dark, filled with that familiar red light as he was leaned over a small developing tub. Unfortunately for Jin, he'd forgotten to turn the light on outside that indicated someone was inside. Nevertheless, his dark brown eyes stared at the photograph he was currently working on. It was an panorama of the front of the school and it was for a big project.

He sighed softly, cheeks puffing out as he set the tongs down and stood up straight. Things still weren't going on as well as he hoped with these photographs and Jin was beginning to lose his steam. His gaze darted towards the small bag that he had sitting on the table next to the door with the rest of his film and a small camera inside. Since it looked as though the photos weren't coming out the way he wanted, Jin briefly wondered if he should just scrap them and start over.

[CANYON HART PIERCE]

( think of me in the depths of your despair )

The camera was tucked against his body, his arm enveloped around it protectively. He couldn’t let anything happen to his particular piece of equipment. The other camera, the strap of which was slung over his shoulder and bobbing gently against his side, he really didn’t care about at the moment. It was his camera, anyway, and has already faced its fair share of abuse. A little bit more wouldn’t kill it – this he knew. It was the smaller camera that needed protecting. The one so unlike his own. While his held scrapes and scratches from being dropped or carelessly set down, the one in his arm looked brand new save the fact two stickers mimicking the shape of wings stubbornly stuck to its sides. Sometimes he wished he took better care of his camera. His would still look brand new. But it didn’t.

Hers did. What were the last pictures she took? Was she happy in them? Or did this camera offer him a life-scarring glimpse into her world? Her mind? He had already had a taste of what she was like. The bitter winter was still fresh on his mind. Could he handle another trip in to the workings of December? He wasn’t sure but her mother insisted – pleaded – he took the camera and all the pictures on it. How could he deny her that? And now, months after the incident, here he was. Trying to peek into that world again.

Which was how he found himself standing in front of the photography’s dark room. School hadn’t ended too long ago. He had to run by his dorm to get her camera and he had expected the room to be taken when he got back. They were working on a photography project, after all. But he wasn’t going to just stand there and wait for someone to come by. He needed to develop the pictures… Reaching out, he slung the door open and was surprised to see that familiar red light leak into the hallway. The dark room flooded with light and…

“Oh my god! I’m so sorry!!” he gasped when he saw Jin undoubtedly working on his pictures. Instantly, he hurried into the room and closed the door again, eyes wide in horrible apologies. “I didn’t know you were in here! Oh, I hope I didn’t ruin your pictures! I’m so sorry!” his apologies died into a low whimper as he looked around. He honestly felt terrible for the intrusion even though the other had forgotten to turn the hall light on to let others know not to come in.

Ugh, this year is going to be a mess.

[/justify]

[jin li]

( i'm drowning and only you can save me )

Well, it seemed that Jin wouldn't have to decide for himself whether or not he was going to scrap his pictures and start over (which might be a good thing because the poor boy from China didn't like deciding for himself anyway). When the door swung open, his almond shaped eyes widened and a small gasp escaped from his lips. Jin looked up just in time to see Canyon rushing into the room. A small blushed claimed Jin's cheeks though he didn't know why, and he looked down at the photographs. He couldn't tell if they were messed up, honestly, because he sucked at this thing.

"I-It's okay.." His voice was soft, almost embarrassed as he realized that he stupidly left the light off. "It's my fault.." Everything was always Jin's fault, wasn't it? He sighed lightly, his hands slowly falling to their sides. Now he didn't even really feel like picking up the tongs to check on his photographs. He might as well give up. He might as well not even try.. It wasn't even worth it.

Slowly, Jin lifted his gaze up to Canyon. They'd run into each other here and there but Canyon had suddenly disappeared a while ago and Jin had no idea why. It really had been a bit disappointed for the small Asian boy because Canyon was a friendly person.. one of the only friendly people. Jin had been looking forward to the little rays of sunshine that Canyon had briefly sprinkled into his day but now.. now Jin just felt like his days were filled with nothing but darkness.

Without meaning to, he stared at the senior that was standing by the door. Canyon was so much taller than he was, and so much more.. strong looking. Jin wished that he could be strong. He wished that he could love life the way that it seemed Canyon had before he disappeared. But honestly, he just couldn't find it within him. All he felt was the sharp pain of the razor as it slid across his skin. All he felt was the despair and the feeling that he just didn't belong here.

[CANYON HART PIERCE]

( think of me in the depths of your despair )

Canyon absently flipped the switch to the hall light on, worried eyes gazing at the little sophomore before him. He said it was okay but his demeanor said otherwise. Awww… Canyon felt worse now. Not only did this little guy feel bad but he felt bad because of something Canyon did. He had to make it right somehow. “It’s not your fault,” he said softly, setting his cameras down on a table and slowly stepping closer to Jin, “It was an accident,” a gentle smile claimed his lips, “Both our fault. Let me try to fix it…” Canyon’s voice drifted as he stood close to Jin, peeking into the small tub that held the picture Jin had seemed to be worrying over before the senior screwed things up.

He took the tongs into his hand and started to work on the developing picture. It seemed Canyon had forgotten all about personal boundaries again but he didn’t seem to notice just… How close he had gotten to Jin. At least not until arm brushed against arm and his skin prickled slightly in… Canyon glanced at Jin. He was so small and… he looked fragile. Why did that make him smile?

Wait… Canyon recognized him. Before his visit to the hospital last year, he had ran into him a few times. They may have exchanged a few words here and there but nothing really seemed to… stick. At least nothing but a name and a fleeting smile: “Jin Li, right? We have photography.” Of course, Jin probably knew that. The senior didn’t realize how stupid of a statement that was until it was too late. Canyon had photography last year, too, but disappearing right before the second semester started made him want to take it again. He wondered where everyone thought he went… The only people he talked about his predicament to was the administration and he knew they wouldn’t tell a soul. Well, them and… and December. But she took that secret to her grave.

He had completely forgotten about the pictures.

[/justify]

[jin li]

( i'm drowning and only you can save me )

Jin watched quietly as Canyon allowed himself to take a peek at Jin's soaking photograph. There wasn't a single word of protest from the little Asian as the older male took the tongs and began to try to salvage what was left of Jin's work. Canyon looked like he was much more experienced with photography than Jin was and he figured that if anyone could save the possibly over exposed picture, it would be someone with more experience than Jin had.

He just hadn't expected Canyon to get so close. A soft blush once more began to taint his otherwise pale chipmunk cheeks, his gaze falling to the tub as Canyon worked. Jin was doing a pretty good job of ignoring the fact that the senior was so close until he felt the faintest brush against his arm. He involuntarily shivered, teeth clamping down onto his bottom lip. It made Jin feel a little uncomfortable but yet he didn't try to move away. He simply kept his gaze on the tub in front of the both of them.

Jin was pulled out of his short little staring contest with the tub when Canyon mentioned they had photography together. "I know." His voice was soft and timid, dark brown eyes briefly glancing up to meet the seniors gaze. Of course he knew that they had photography together. Canyon was one of the few people that could make Jin smile without even trying, without even directing any attention at him specifically. "Your name is Canyon.." Perhaps it might have sounded a little creepy that he so readily knew the others name, but Jin didn't think in that sort of mind pattern.

After a few moments, the boy moved away from Canyon and looked up at him a little more closely. "You're one of the only people who seemed to notice me.. It was nice. And then you disappeared." Jin paused for a moment, his gaze returning to the floor. "It.. It made me worried for you."

[CANYON HART PIERCE]

( think of me in the depths of your despair )

The fact that the other knew his name made Canyon feel at ease. Thought, it always made him feel at ease when someone knew his name. He didn’t know exactly what it was about that insignificant little thing but… it made him feel good. To know he was known – whatever reason it was he was known for. He just hoped it was good. He didn’t want to be known as the kid that had cancer or… or the guy that lost not only his girlfriend but also best friend to suicide. He wanted to be known as the guy that’s always smiling. As the guy that won’t let anything take him down. He didn’t want to be popular; he just wanted to be known for something more than his faults. But isn’t that what everyone wants?

And it seems that, with Jin, he had gotten his wish. Even though it wasn’t perfect. Canyon’s gaze drifted from the little sophomore and to the picture in the tub. Gently, he raised it above the liquid and frowned. He was known as the guy who paid attention to someone no one else did. He was known as the guy that disappeared. And now he will be known as the guy who ruined a, what looked to be promising, picture. Quietly, his lips parted in a sigh and he moved to show Jin the damage. It appeared that Canyon took a second too long to realize someone was in the room before him and shut the door. “I’m sorry, Jin,” his voice was soft and genuine. “For disappearing, making you worry, and for ruining your picture.” He was sorry for disappearing because it sounded as if… It sounded as if Jin really enjoyed seeing Canyon around. Even though they didn’t have a concrete friendship.

Perhaps… Perhaps he can change that.

He was surprised that someone had worried, honestly. Especially someone he hardly knew. It made him feel… important and needed. It made him feel… that something he’s been missing since December’s death. He… He couldn’t quite put his finger on it but to know that someone has missed him… His smile widened just a little before he put the picture and the tongs down. Biting onto his bottom lip, he turned and grabbed December’s camera, working to take the film out. “I didn’t want to disappear like I did. I… I got really… busy.” He was still terrified to say the word ‘cancer’ or to admit that he had been sick. It was like… This was a dream and if he just refused to admit the reality of the situation, everything would be okay. Everything… will be okay… And tomorrow, he’ll see December again…

[/justify]

[jin li]

( i'm drowning and only you can save me )

Canyon Pierce was known to Jin Li solely as someone who made him smile briefly when they passed in the hallways last semester. Jin was blissfully unaware of Canyon's ex-girlfriend and the horrors that happened in the girl's dormitories. One might say it was pretty impossible to not know what happened but honestly Jin really had no friends except for a few acquaintances and they were as equally clueless as he was. Jin didn't like gossip and he didn't get into hearing about the latest rumors. He simply liked Canyon because Canyon seemed like a kind person.

But even a kind person couldn't make Jin feel better about his photograph. He wasn't upset with Canyon. Jin knew it wasn't his fault. The Chinese boy just found very little to be pleased with lately and the loss of his photograph, no matter how crappy Jin thought it was, only made the boy feel even more depressed than before. "Don't be sorry. It wasn't your fault. I should have turned on the light like I said. I guess it'll just give me a chance to try to make a better picture." The boy looked up at the taller senior once more and that unexplainable blush tickled his cheeks again but in the red light of the dark room, it was almost impossible to tell. "And you don't have to be sorry for disappearing.." His voice was soft, almost timid.. a little sad. "It's not like I meant a whole lot to you."

Jin simply meant that they weren't close friends so Canyon didn't need to be sorry, though it probably sounded different than that to Canyon. He bit his lip softly and leaned against the table, subconsciously pulling his sleeves down over his wrist even though the scars were already perfectly hidden. It was so painfully obvious that he was lonely but Jin didn't realize just how obvious it was. "... but it would be..." his voice trailed off due to nervousness. ".. but it would be nice to be friends.. If.. If you wanted to."

Now Jin dropped his gaze to the floor once more, instantly regretting suggesting they be friends. Why would someone like Canyon Pierce want to be his friend? They were in two entirely different social brackets and Canyon was, well.. he was so amazing.

[CANYON HART PIERCE]

( think of me in the depths of your despair )

At this point, Canyon wasn’t paying to much attention to what he was doing. He didn’t know he had grabbed December’s camera instead of his own, and after checking to make sure the film was still good, he went about the process of developing it with ease. Having performed this task multiple times before, he had memorized the steps. The act was as natural as breathing to him, which made it rather easy for him to focus most of his attention on Jin.

Even though he was blissfully unaware of the faint blush tainting Jin’s cheeks, there was just something about the boy he found… irresistibly cute. He couldn’t quite tell what it was and this made him rather curious to find it out. He glanced over at the other, his naturally small smile still painted on his lips. He wanted to see him smile, too. He couldn’t remember if he’s ever seen it or not. Did he catch a glimpse before he disappeared? It was a strange question since he had never been close to the boy. What was even stranger was he remembered smiling every time he saw Jin. Could it have been that cuteness?

“You know what this means then, don’t you?” He was referring to the loss of Jin’s picture; he was trying to cheer the guy up. And get him to meet with Canyon again. “It means I’m going to have to take you out to take more pictures.” The words left him so easily. As if Jin wasn’t a nearly complete stranger. As if he had been his friend forever. But they both knew that wasn’t the case. Though, as Jin continued, Canyon’s smile faltered. His gaze lingered on the other for a quiet moment and then an even wider smile claimed his lips. He wanted to be friends… “But of course!” he blurted with a gentle but happy chuckle, “Who wouldn’t want to be friends with someone so cute?” He didn’t even realize he had tacked cute on there. “Besides, it makes me feel less selfish about proposing to take you out,” and he didn’t realize he made the offering of taking Jin out for more pictures sound like a date, “I don’t want to force you anywhere against your will, after all.”

That was easier than he thought it would be. The last few friends he’s been trying to make were quite unwilling to have anything to do with him. He wasn’t exactly sure what it was about himself that made them not want to be his friend but that didn’t matter anymore. He had a new friend. A cute new friend that seemed to want everything to do with him. And, for the first time in a long time, that made Canyon feel… Not so alone.

[/justify]

[jin li]

( i'm drowning and only you can save me )

More often than not when the two of them had met before Canyon's disappearance, Jin had smiled at least little bit. Whether or not he revealed such a smile to Canyon was an entirely different story though. Lately Jin wasn't into the habit of smiling. He honestly didn't find too much to smile about and now when he did smile, a lot of it was forced so that people wouldn't bother him. He especially had to force a smile around his father whom didn't believe that Jin was really depressed and that he was just putting on an act in order to get out of having to be a doctor.

But Jin's depression was real and it was on the verge of spiraling out of control.

The boy's first reaction when Canyon suggested that he take him out for pictures was to say "It's okay, you don't have to do that.." because honestly, people usually suggested something like that but they truly didn't want to do it. It was just an obligatory suggestion, right? So then Jin felt like he was obligated to insist that such a gesture didn't need to be done.

But then when Jin saw how happy the suggestion of friends seemed to make Canyon, his almond shaped eyes widened a bit. Did this person actually want to be friends? Did Jin really just make a friend? He blinked several times, the blush deepening on his cheeks and his mouth hung open like a fish out of water. It was obvious that he hadn't expected Canyon to react in such a way. Jin moved his mouth to speak but he was rendered speechless by the words coming from Canyon's mouth, especially such words as "cute" and "selfish for proposing to take you out". "C-Cute..?" The boy had suddenly become a visibly flustered little thing.

Desperately needing something to occupy his mind with, Jin dropped his gaze to the table and bean to fiddle with a corner of it nervously. "I.. I would like to go somewhere.. I.. I want you to be selfish." Selfish would mean that Canyon wanted him all to himself, right? Well, at this point with Jin's current friend count, Canyon really would get him all to himself.

[CANYON HART PIERCE]

( think of me in the depths of your despair )

“Don’t be silly!” Canyon chuckled as Jin tried to tell him that it wasn’t really necessary for him to take Jin out. He knew that. He knew he honestly didn’t have to do anything he didn’t want to and, most of the time, he didn’t. If Canyon didn’t want to hang with Jin, he wouldn’t have suggested it. He would have simply told Jin that he wished him the best of luck and quietly return to developing his pictures. But Jin… There was something about him that made Canyon want to meet with him again. On better grounds were there wasn’t any possibility of the older student ruining anything of the younger. “I know I don’t have to but I want to.”

Though, when Canyon glanced over at Jin, he… he looked genuinely surprised that he wanted anything to do with him. The eagle couldn’t do anything but just stare at the other, smile frozen in place. What was wrong? Had Jin only been… joking? Slowly, that smile faded away like a ghost. He felt his heart sink for a moment. The other didn’t sound as if he was joking when he asked Canyon about friendship. The gentle stutter made Canyon think Jin was being sincere. Was he... was he just messing around? It wouldn’t have been Canyon’s first time meeting a… a sarcastic?... person.

With a gentle nod, Canyon responded to Jin’s question about being cute. “Yeah… Cute.” Though he didn’t even realize he had called the other such an affectionate name, he wasn’t going to lie. Jin was… Cute. And adorable. He couldn’t wait to see what else he could be. At least if Jin wasn’t joking about the friendship like he was starting to suspect. Fortunately, as Jin continued, Canyon knew he wasn’t. A wide smile once again found its way onto his mouth. The little thing was so flustered now, Canyon just wanted to reach out and hug him. But since he had moved away when Canyon had gotten a little too close, he was doing his best to respect Jin’s boundaries.

Instead, Canyon couldn’t help but to reach out. With a ginger touch – as if he were afraid the boy would break against his skin – he placed a finger beneath Jin’s chin. Softly, he urged the other to look up again and offered him a happy and reassuring smile. “You don’t mind my selfishness, eh?” his voice was soft but still held a hint of joy: “Then I’ll take you out and we can spend the whole day having fun.” He wasn’t sure what exactly they’d do. But Canyon will come up with something.

[/justify]

[jin li]

( i'm drowning and only you can save me )

The little boy from Beijing couldn't help but become internally elated when Canyon insisted that he did want spend time with him. Jin was desperate for someone who wouldn't judge him, truth be told. He was tired of his father always pushing him to be something that he didn't want to be. Jin was supposed to grow up to marry a beautiful wife, be a successful and rich doctor, and bare sons to carry on the Li name according to his father. Jin didn't want to be a doctor, he wanted to be a chef. And honestly he hadn't even given girls a single thought yet even though he was sixteen year old and supposedly in that hormonal stage of life.

But Jin didn't want to ruin his chances of having Canyon as a friend. He didn't want to say something stupid to mess it up. So here to stood quietly, his gaze transfixed against the floor of the dark room. He didn't expect to be touched by the senior, so when he felt Canyon's finger against his chin, dark brown eyes widened a little. For some reason in which Jin could not explain, he felt a sudden thump in his chest as if his heart slammed against his rib cage. Most guys would think it was weird that Canyon was touching him in such a gentle way, but Jin only blushed deeply as he looked up at the taller male.

He didn't try to move away. Jin found that he didn't really want to but he wasn't exactly sure he was expecting to happen next. "Th-the whole day?" Great, now he was beginning to stutter. "That would be great!" The boy offered a sheepish little smile as he looked up at Canyon, holding his gaze. His photographs were momentarily forgotten.

[CANYON HART PIERCE]

( think of me in the depths of your despair )

Canyon noticed the attention Jin repeatedly paid to his sleeves and it took all of his power not to say anything about it. Jin was a new friend and though the senior believed that too late could be any second, he didn’t want to seem overwhelming so quickly like he had a tendency to do. If he said the wrong thing or jumped the gun too quickly, who knows what could happen. Their friendship could shatter so easily since it was so new. What if Jin didn’t even do what he was suspecting? He could be assuming something horrible just because of an incident that took place so recently in his life. Just because December did that a lot didn’t mean anything…

Besides, if something was wrong, a trusting friend was exactly what Jin needed. From the sound of it all, he was alone and Canyon knew what that could do for someone. He’ll just… watch Jin. Protect him like he would anyone else. Offer him comfort when he needed it and happiness even when he didn’t. It was exactly what he needed.

But Jin had a point. The Ravenous Pig was an expensive place to eat. If Canyon didn’t have a job, he was sure he probably couldn’t eat there without the money of his parents. “True…” he mused softly, taking a moment to focus his thoughts on the development process of these pictures before setting everything down all together. “There are plenty of other places to eat that won’t rip a hole in our wallets. We’ll just find a place when we get hungry.” There. The problem was fixed for the moment. Now, on to the next problem: what ever shall they do?

“Like I said, we can go around town. Perhaps to lake Eola. I haven’t been around in a while so you might need to show me.” And there he went with his assuming.

[/justify]

[jin li]

( i'm drowning and only you can save me )

This time Jin didn't seem bothered by Canyon's close proximity, or perhaps he didn't notice. He was quickly reminded of how thankful he was that the entire room was doused in a red tint because he could feel the heat on his cheeks that was indicative of that blush that seemed ever present. Slowly, Jin nodded in response to Canyon's gentle smile and enthusiasm. Jin would honestly go where ever Canyon wanted him to go. If Jin wanted a friend that was going to be a regular in his life, he knew that he couldn't be very picky.

Jin knew his way around most of the city so that wouldn't be a problem. When you're lonely and without friends, the city kind of becomes your friend. Jin was familiar with places like the public library and Lake Eola. It was a sad, lonely boy's paradise. Subconsciously, Jin tugged at the sleeves of his shirt once more in an attempt to hide his already hidden scars. It was a bad habit but he just couldn't help it. "We can go anywhere you want. I'll just be happy to be with you." Jin didn't realize exactly how that sounded, either.

But then when Canyon suggested eating lunch at the Ravenous Pig, Jin couldn't help but frown slightly. The Ravenous Pig was the best, most well known restaurant in Central Florida. It was also kind of expensive. The kind of expensive that meant $35 for one person to eat dinner. There was no way that Jin could afford something like that, not even the cheaper lunch menu. He didn't have a job and his father wasn't going to give him money to go traipsing around the city with another male.

"But.. The Ravenous Pig is kind of expensive.." Jin instantly felt a little embarrassed for admitting he couldn't afford a nice dinner and he looked away once more, almost wishing he could melt into the wood work. Would Canyon think that Jin wasn't worth the friendship if he couldn't afford to eat at a nice place? Obviously Canyon could afford it if he suggested eating there while he wasn't on shift.

[CANYON HART PIERCE]

( think of me in the depths of your despair )

Canyon noticed the attention Jin repeatedly paid to his sleeves and it took all of his power not to say anything about it. Jin was a new friend and though the senior believed that too late could be any second, he didn’t want to seem overwhelming so quickly like he had a tendency to do. If he said the wrong thing or jumped the gun too quickly, who knows what could happen. Their friendship could shatter so easily since it was so new. What if Jin didn’t even do what he was suspecting? He could be assuming something horrible just because of an incident that took place so recently in his life. Just because December did that a lot didn’t mean anything…

Besides, if something was wrong, a trusting friend was exactly what Jin needed. From the sound of it all, he was alone and Canyon knew what that could do for someone. He’ll just… watch Jin. Protect him like he would anyone else. Offer him comfort when he needed it and happiness even when he didn’t. It was exactly what he needed.

But Jin had a point. The Ravenous Pig was an expensive place to eat. If Canyon didn’t have a job, he was sure he probably couldn’t eat there without the money of his parents. “True…” he mused softly, taking a moment to focus his thoughts on the development process of these pictures before setting everything down all together. “There are plenty of other places to eat that won’t rip a hole in our wallets. We’ll just find a place when we get hungry.” There. The problem was fixed for the moment. Now, on to the next problem: what ever shall they do?

“Like I said, we can go around town. Perhaps to lake Eola. I haven’t been around in a while so you might need to show me.” And there he went with his assuming.

[/justify]

[jin li]

( i'm drowning and only you can save me )

Jin was quite grateful for the fact that Canyon agreed with the expensive pricing of the food at The Ravenous Pig. In all honesty, Jin probably would have sucked it up and scrounged for the money to pay for a meal there but he was very relieved to hear that he wouldn't have to. "There's a really good New York style pizza place not too far from Lake Eola." Jin offered this with a small shift of his body. "We could go there.."

But Jin could cook. He was a darn good cook and he absolutely loved to do it. His instinct was screaming at him to offer to cook for Canyon but Jin was afraid that the older male might think he was a bit weird for suggesting something like that. Wasn't it that someone was interested in the other person for a relationship when they cooked for them? Jin blushed softly at this idea and kept his mouth closed about it.

"I can show you around downtown. I go there once in a while. The main library is pretty huge and it usually has a lot of the books I'm looking for. It's not far from Lake Eola so yeah, I can.. I can get us there." The boy fiddled with the hem of his shirt nervously, stealing a glance up at Canyon.

Jin couldn't help but allow himself to get excited at the idea of spending time with Canyon. The excitement slowly began to wash over his pale face. It reached his almond shaped eyes and he smiled a little wider, reaching out to touch Canyon's arms without thinking about it. "We will have fun together, right?" He paused, blushing deeper as he looked down at the hand that held onto Canyon's arm. "I want to be good friends.. You're so nice and.."

He couldn't help it. He had to say it. ".. and I want to cook us lunch to take."